It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize