If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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