the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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