We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
