did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
