of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
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I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
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Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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