One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
