he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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