i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
He felt like a one man threesome
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
