you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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