now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
