Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
A+ Viking dick
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