i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
