Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
