Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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