i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
