Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
