His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
