It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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