omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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