i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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