did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
