Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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