I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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