Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
