We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Randomize
