May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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