im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
