MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
