u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
