Having a random hookup so left but love u
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
