So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
How's work?
Spinning.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
