Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.