My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃