i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
21 Disappointing Confessions From Teenage Fathers
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that