every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
