Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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