She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
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