dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
