I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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