i dedicated my morning wood to you.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
