hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Randomize
