Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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