So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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