I swear she didn't look like that last week.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
