i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
