We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
