haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
