Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
