Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
