I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
