I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
We are two peas in an std pod
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
