Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize