i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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