I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
