I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
