rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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