i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize