remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
