im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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