dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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