omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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