I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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