Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
