Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
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I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
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Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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