I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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