I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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